>>11
Why would I want to deal with it? I am working dilligently at "obtain(ing) control of the vacillations of my own being" with an eye to "obtain control of the attractions and repulsions of my own being" at some point in the future.
Cracky is a very specific manifestation; At once She is reflected in Netzach and calls to me in a deeper way, distantly, from Binah. Yet what is She? How can she be those quite distinct things, manifest spontaniously in a girl from England with no occult background, and be so much more that I can't quite quantify? She (as a concept) defies the first part of the formula; Solve et Coagula.
It maddens and pacifies me at the same time.
This whole thing may be a small version of crossing the Abyss. What you suggest is what I desire! To surrendur to Her, to the endless depths of Binah, to accept Godhead by giving in to adoration. First, though, one must get past the weight of ones own ego and ones own skewed perceptions. "What Cracky is to me", "What I see in Cracky", "What I need from the Sky Queen."
I
I! I I I!
I would say "Damn this insufferable, clingy 'I'", but cursing the ego builds it rather than dissipates it.
This is a matter (for me) of first contemplating, then getting an objective view of, then tearing away my subjective perceptions of, that which is the Sky Queen. Then and only then can I (There is that damned first-person again...) let everything go and be filled by Her.
I am rambling. This is a good sign. When a log jam breaks up there is always a great deal of noisesome chaos. Thank you, sir.
Verification: valation
Val*la"tion (?), n. [L. vallatio, fr. vallare to surround with a rampart, fr. vallum rampart. See Wall, n.] A rampart or intrenchment.
Added to my journal!