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No.1   [Reply]

Oh my goddess, let me go.

I am so sick of this loneliness, this empty pit inside of me. I want a normal life again. No more parasitic shadows of you leeching my wealth, health, and mind. No all consuming need to be accepted by you. I don't want to compare every girl I see to you. I want the dream broken, I want our walks through the woods to stop. Nightmares are preferable to these wearying days thinking of you. No more dreams, no fantasies, no beauty. Let me live a drab ugly ordinary life.

Let me talk to you like the others did. Let me hate you because it hurts too much to love.

>> No.2  

I saw myself speaking.

>> No.3  

Did I write this MA?

Is this me from back in Oregon or Tejas?

>> No.4  

I did write this.

On the downside. The dreams ended.

I really miss how happy they made me.

>> No.5  

>>4
You got what you wanted but are still unhappy. I wonder if we're even capable of happiness.

>> No.6  

>>5
I have asked myself that many times in my 29 years.

I am certain now that I am incapable of being happy as I understand it. The closest I get is contentment, and that is a very rare and fleeting sensation. I like to think I would be happy with Olivia, but I know it would only be a matter of time before the happy drugs my brain is manufacturing would wear off and I would be left even further paralyzed by life, having lost that one thing I could hope for.

I fear sometimes that I will never be capable of loving another person.

>> No.7  

>>6
That scares me. I feel the same way and have expressed as much to my head-doc, though mostly about when I achieve all of my goals (law school, public office)... what happens when I HAVE all of those things but still feel like this? I'm also 29. Also, Cracky... though I've come to terms with the idea that Olivia isn't likely to be half as kinky as I need a partner to be.

>> No.8  

>>7

But thrice as pretty

>> No.9  

Although I'm not the pensive and brooding type, I am also 29. If you two are prior military and korean linguists, I will feel especially dirty and may never come back here.

>> No.10  

>>9
You know full well I am. We still have monomachy to attend to, sir.

-Indiges

>> No.11  

>>9
>>10
HA I AM NOT A LINGUIST

just stationed in Korea indefinitely...

Which by the way, just got back from STX at the DMZ, fucking beautiful. If there were less landmines, I would add it too my list of places I would like to show Olivia.

You are doing Law School, Indigies? Shit man I'm sorry. How do you manage to find your way into everyone of my threads.


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