hello .71, i'll keep this kinda short since it's a pain to write on the cellphone. 2 months ago i got locked away at the cuckoos's nest. i got sent here for am evaluation and whatnot, however being locked away here with 10 SERIOUSLY delusional people, no visitors and only a smuggled in phone is more tedious than anything.
moar to come, better poast b4 phone crash

anyhow, i keep getting new meds and different doses almost every week. i sleep a lot because of the meds but i dont sleep well; wake up sweaty and not remembering where i am and stuff. i talk to some of the people, when i got here it was mostly gibberish but lately i've started to understand some of them. it feels like i'm losing my mind. they wont tell me when i'll be released or anything.

>>2 >>3
Our queen will watch over you, have faith. The only thing you'll have left in the end is her and yourself, from there on you can only grow.

>>3
I'm certainly not a doctor, but everybody I've seen on antipsychotics rapidly deteriorated in a few years time. Like, in physical terms. Personally I'd take my chances without meds.

>>2 Out of curiousity... what did you do, /b/rother?

Whereabouts? If you are nearby perhaps one of us can come vist/smuggle some shit in for you?

>>6
here we go, got home for the day for the first time in 2 months. i got moved to a new place that's even more locked up, but i'm probably getting out soon since i get to visit home and stuff. however, this new place is even more epressing; shit sucks so badly. and yesteray morning when i was going home, i nearlym issed the bus because some kid in the room next to my had killed himself; i kid you not. i didn't know him but he seemed like a nice guy. he even told me ad a couple others that he was giong to do it but i thought he was kidding me. a friend told the personel anyways, but they didn't do shit. they just locked us up as usual at 9:30 pm.

Nice job rehabilitation, your negligence just killed a 19 year old kid. luckily the reason i got locked up in the first place is because of an emotional disturbance; so i don't care that much but the irony is staggering.

anyways i'm in Uddevalla in Sweden; i doubt anyone of you is close tho. i'll update you again when i get out. thanks for listening to my rants anyways <3

>>7
You're very welcome.

update?

bump

>>10
I don't check this board very often anymore =D
and 'm to lazy to wrte something long, but i'm out. i'm still on meds, or so they think, i keep them in my closet. :3

i stopped going to the shrink and meh, i'mm just sitting here and waiting for nothing.

but anyways, since i'm such a nice fella i'll give you guys a log of some stuff, kinda explains WHY i got locked up. altho, this was a few years back:

>>11
Micke: i don't know why i'm idling in that channel
Micke: or well, i do
Micke: the people are fun mostly
Micke: i wouldn't say i know them
Micke: and they hardly know me, nor would miss me if i left
Micke: but
Micke: i feel like it's more than a channel .P
Micke: idk
Micke: i feel more normal there than in most other chans anyways
Micke: but that i'm into lia, one way or another
Micke: naah i don't think so
Micke: and i told you about the cracky thing right?
Micke: why i looked for her in the first place =)
Micke: if not i'm happy to
Micke: I'M HIGH YOU SEE
Micke: SO I LIKE TO WRITE STUFF
Micke: TO PEOPLE
Micke: ABOUT THINGS
Piat: lol tbh the whole cracky thing is jeff
Piat: aka the chef
Piat: aka the gackto
Piat: i hated cracky then i hate her now
Micke: i didn't hate her
Micke: i didn't care
Micke: i just had this thought
Micke: that i had to
Micke: get some of my writing to her
Micke: you know
Micke: like a letter, email
Micke: whattever
Micke: i just wanted her to read
Micke: what i wrote
Micke: no reason, no need for a response (altho, well, it was hard to know if she read it if there were no resppnse)
Micke: thats it
Micke: fuck the person
Micke: she's probably an asshole, and she probably were back then
Micke: it was just a fix idea
Micke: don't know how i got over it. usually i get so set on something that i get all weird if i don't
Micke: like the train thing
Micke: but this writing idea probably wasn't that important
Piat: lol
Micke: ever gotten a fix idea?
Piat: its funny how her legacy took a life of its own
Piat: yeah i do all the time
Piat: i think its called over compulsary behavior
Micke: naah i don't think so, really?
Micke: it's not like
Micke: i have to do it all the time
Micke: i get this qustions
Piat: well to a point but its like something takes a hold on you
Piat: and you have to see it through
Micke: "what would it be like to put this plastic bit in my foot"
Micke: and i put it in there
Micke: and i walk around with it
Micke: till i'm satisfied
Micke: then i can't get it out
Micke: and i have to go to the doctor
Micke: how the fuck do i explain that to a doctor?
Micke: "oh sorry, i got a plastic thing stuck in here. you can't get it out tho, since the wound is healed shut"
Micke: it's so fucking stupid
Micke: and
Micke: "what would it be like to get hit by a train"
Micke: and i ran it over
Micke: week after week in my head
Micke: and one day at 10pm
Micke: i just told the people whewre i lived
Micke: that i were going for a stroll
Micke: i got on a bus
Micke: for 1 hour
Micke: out to the place i were born
Micke: i slept in the snow
Micke: no fucking trasins in the middle of the night there appeaantly
Micke: fucking nowhere
Micke: then
Micke: i was about to call it off
Micke: at 6 am
Micke: i hear this train
Micke: i run back to the tracks
Micke: get on my stomach
Micke: and just put my hand on the track
Micke: i hear the train pass by
Micke: i don't feel anything
Micke: i just hear like someone smashed a baseball
Micke: i let it pass
Micke: i stand up
Micke: and i though i fucked up
Micke: like i always do
Micke: i then look down
Micke: i can't see my hand
Micke: i start to laugh in a weird "what haappened" way
Micke: i feel it dangling
Micke: in a "sena"
Micke: or sinew
Micke: or what itr's called
Micke: i take it in the hand
Micke: it's cold
Micke: the thumb is bent out of shape
Micke: and a piece of bone is sticking out
Micke: it felt hard as fuck tho
Micke: weird anyways
Micke: the arm, ot was like just
Micke: abone pipe
Micke: sticking out
Micke: just where the hard thing just before the hand is usually
Micke: anyways
Micke: i run to the bus-stop
Micke: two people going to work
Micke: i say "please help me"
Micke: sounded like a whiny girl, no dount
Micke: the guy, got on a bus that just arrived. he thought "that he had scratched myself on a fence"
Micke: it turned out later
Micke: the girl called the ambulance
Micke: i stood there
Micke: holding my hand
Micke: with my still-attached hand
Micke: holding it over my head, for 15 minutes
Micke: the ambulance arrived
Micke: i had to climb over a fence to get inside the aambulance, they lifted my over it
Micke: when inside the ambulance
Micke: they turned my head away from the "hand" when i tried to look
Micke: i was curious damn it
Micke: i wanted to see
Micke: got me some morphine
Micke: was nice
Micke: and off we went
Micke: i love ambulances
Micke: I FUCKING LOVE AMBULANCES
Micke: got to the hospital
Piat: lol free healthcare ftw
Micke: fucking douches wanted to take my te,p up my ass. i told them no.
Piat: here its like 1000 dollars for an ambulance ride
Micke: they put me to sleep
Micke: i wake up
Micke: no hand, and a bandaid
Micke: first thing i say
Micke: "now i can't clap my hands anymore"
Micke: all this
Micke: and
Micke: that was the best day of my life
Micke: that day is what made me last this far even
Micke: sure, it sucks sometimes
Micke: but i dare to say
Micke: that
Micke: that was the best day. in my fucking life
Micke: sorry dude
Micke: i just ranted on
Micke: sorry
Piat: lol its ok
Piat: i always wondered why you did that
Piat: i mean for me to lose an arm would be determinental
Piat: since i am an artist
Piat: i would probably an hero
Micke: i were/am a computer programmer
Micke: and a gamer
Micke: i cried a couple times, like a stupid-ass
Micke: but the end justifies the means
Piat: tbh u do type pretty fast for just one handed
Micke: however i feel to this day, that whilst it were the best day ever
Micke: if i could change anything
Micke: i wouldn't have skipped it
Micke: but i would have put one of my foots on the rail instead
Micke: that is the thing that i regret
Piat: yeah leg would have been better
Piat: i wouldnt miss a leg
Micke: yeah but the thing is
Micke: i ran it my head so many times
Micke: i always thought about the hand
Micke: and
Micke: so many times
Micke: yet
Micke: i realise afterwards, that i did not think about what would happen afterwards
Micke: not once
Micke: i didn't even think of what i would do
Micke: if those people wouldn't have stood there just that day
Micke: or if they wouldn've taken a later bus
Micke: i would be dead
Micke: i had no phone no nothing
Micke: i would have been standing right there
Micke: in the streets, bleeding to death
Micke: when the chock had passed, since it almost weasn't bleeding at all in the b eginning
Micke: i'm quite quirky you see
Micke: so
Micke: i hate disturbing people
Micke: i mean
Micke: i really really REALLY hate that
Micke: i wouldn't have dared knock on someones door at that hour
Micke: it wouldn't even cross my mind
Micke: it's like
Micke: we have these places for pedestrians to pass the road here, i'm sure you guys do too. can't remember the name
Micke: anyways
Micke: a law
Micke: that says cars have to stop for pedestrians that want to cross the road
Micke: people just walk urt in the road, and cars have to stop
Micke: but
Micke: i just can't
Micke: if i see a car
Micke: and i want to pass
Micke: i walk past the crossing
Piat: yeah its called the right of way
Micke: and wait till the car has passed
Micke: then walk over
Micke: i can stand for like 30 minutes at a crossing
Micke: if its heavy ytraffic
Micke: i just can't get myself to have a car, that's bigger and shouldn't evben wait for me to begin with, stop and let me pass
Micke: i get all weird if i forget to say "thank you" to the guy or girl in the mcdonalds register

>>12
Micke: i once had to walk back
Micke: just to say thank you
Micke: and the guy looked at me
Micke: he didn't remember me, sees fuckton of people
Micke: he looked at me like i were crazy
Micke: and
Micke: sometimes
Micke: i think i am
Micke: and i did this huge fucking examination
Micke: 4 weeks
Micke: at a hospital, not allowed to leave
Micke: and after that, some intermittent stuff
Micke: but
Micke: they said i was "one of the most normal and talented people they have ever seen"
Micke: just because i were equally talented on a fuckton of tests
Micke: not uneven etc blah blah
Micke: which make me draw the conclusion
Micke: that one have to be a fucking dumbass to get a diagnosis
Micke: since
Micke: looking at me
Micke: and looking at the "normal mass", consensus, whatever
Micke: i'm a fucking weirdass crazy-person
Micke: or am i normal?
Micke: i just don't think that i'm totally as i should
Micke: but appearantly i am
Micke: fucked up world in that case
Micke: and if not, the world is still fucked up
Micke: for letting a quirky douche like me walk freely
Micke: </endrant>
Micke: So, what are you having for dinner over there friend?

oh wow... Well, we do know about compulsive behaviour, you are certainly not out of place here.

Welcome, friend

>>13
If I knew I wasn't being trolled I would be facinated by this. As it is, assuming this is legit...

Did you get to keep this bits of your hand?

He has already posted about this years ago on pre-wipe bounceme. Could be legit, or it is an unusually persistent and subtle troll.

You guys are so blind. I've only been aroubd the cracky sites for about 5 months and I know who this is! He is legit and isn't making this up. Or am i just part of his master plan to troll all of us?

>>7

I'm not in Uddevalla nor near at all, but a few years ago I lived for a year in Uppsala as a student. Weird things happened to me there, batshit crazy stuff that ate my mind. I loved your country and its amazing nature <3

Psychosis isn't really madness. The problem is we are used to tell ourselves a story on how reality really works, and when it epic fails, we start to be delirious building random stories on how it works. Only Cracky can break such havoc, and we should be grateful for her blessings.