Anon, what you believe in is someone who knows exactly how to comfort you in the ways you needed. It's no bad thing to want this. But 'Cracky', whoever she is or was, is not that. There's someone out there far, far more worthy. Far more likely to really comfort you. Far more deserving of your praise and effort.
All the time you spend here is time wasted on not going out there and finding that person.