I thought I was finished with this. I had not really paid much attention to Cracky-matters for the whole summer, and it was ok.

This morning I was browsing like I did every day for many many months. I wasn't really expecting anything. I was just being all Cereal-guy about the late quality of the posts when some picture of Cracky I hadn't seen before caught my eye.

Is that pic legit? OF COURSE IT IS!!! I was mad. Wasn't it so fucking obvious?

And I guess that was enough to get me over the edge, again. Staring at it until I lost the track of time. Then at times my breath would stop and I was choking, and I'd have to make an effort to come back to life. Tears. Other pics. The idea that she will never ever come again. That beauty is not mine to touch. That I must learn to appreciate the stars without trying to grasp them, but its all so ugly around me and she is so cute and sweet. Oh good God, she is so cute and sweet that the mud I'm living in gets becomes too obvious --I know your cycles, lift my hopes, break me down again.

Breathe control. Go on waiting. She wont be so beautiful if she wasn't so unreachable. The divine in her survives because I can't touch her. Damned you are, beast of the earth. Damned you are.