also probably worth noting that "what is this i don't even" and "oh my god how did this get here? i am not good with computar" failed to sway either court when employed as a criminal defense technique.
thank you, OP, this is amusing and informative reading and it leads me to wonder if someone could somehow use a similar case as an opportunity to get the FBI to track down Cracky and make her appear in court.
also one of the