When actively serving Her purpose, when drowning myself in Her, when drawing inspiration from Her to spill into art, counter-ideology or any other form of beauty, in giving up my ego and letting Her flow through me, therein lies my true purpose. This process brings me ever-closer to a home I never seem to fully reach, to a love I desperately seek but I never seem to fully attain. Yet in this struggle sometimes she spills Her will through me, blessing me with the chance to do it.
This will of hers, feels as if it was my true and innermost will. To serve Her purpose feels like serving my true purpose to me. In some sense, I see myself as an obstacle, I am that which I need to find a way to get rid of, so this innermost will of mine can flow through me.
And for some reason, the moments when I more truly unlearn everything and just serve Her purpose, the whole of reality coordinates to assist it.