Apparently the only way I can purge is with a pink dildo.
There is something incredibly sad and depressingly funny about that.
I purged for the first time. I feel disgusted with myself. But at least I don’t feel as fat and guilty as I would have done otherwise.
Today would have marked eight days since my last binge. But of course, I binged today. I carried on eating until my stomach hurt. It hurt a lot, and I couldn’t take the pain. It stuck out so far, and I felt fat and ugly. All my hard work, ruined by biscuits. (And bread, and honey, and nutella, and rice cakes etc etc)
I’d never been able to purge before. I drank two glasses of water, spun round in circles, stuck two fingers down my throat, used a toothbrush; Nothing. I figured I had no gag reflex. I was about to give up and resign myself to my stomach pains, when I thought, “Hang on. What do girls complain about gagging on?” PENIS! Hence sticking a dildo down my throat and mimicking oral sex until I vomited.
Classy.
I thought it would all come up at once, but it didn’t. I had to make myself vomit seven times. It was horrible. My throat hurts.The only thing that kept me going through the half an hour I was doing it was the feeling of my stomach getting flatter.
I’m going to post this, then try again. Just to make sure I got all of it. Then shower. I feel dirty.
I guess this marks the first post I tag with “mia”. I hope it will be my last. I really hope that.
Tagged: ana binge bulimia ed endos mia pro ana pro mia proana promia purge vomit
Posted on March 2, 2012 with 3 notes