Hi again. I saw her today, and I told her.
I think it went rather well, in fact. I didn't say everything... it'd take hours to talk through all my thoughts, which i've filled several notebooks with over the years. I did tell her as much as i could, though. mostly about Lain, quite a bit about Cracky. it felt rather surreal, i have to say. my hands were shaking all the way through, and i struggled to get a lot of it out through my sobs, but she listened well. in fact, she listened very, very well, and seemed to ask the perfect questions about my feelings towards Lain, and what i thought she meant, and how i came to find her. for some reason, it kind of hurts, though. she replied so kindly, and told me how difficult it's going to be for her to stop seeing me. maybe if she reacted badly, and said i was mad or wrong, i could hate her for it and wouldn't feel this awful, awful feeling of losing someone i trust and care about so much. I think telling her has made my attachment to her a thousand times stronger. I want and don't want that at the same time.
On the whole, i don't know whether to recommend the experience or not. It made me happy to hear her say those lovely words, and promise to never tell anyone. I think the pain is worth that.