You should say:

I continually demoralized and backstabbed a team of professional internet stalkers by leaking their prized, sekrit information to the general public. On over 9000 seperate occassions I posted pictures of Lianne "Cracky" Woods onto the internet (semicolon) these pictures were not meant for general distribution and been obtained through secretive contacts or otherwise sensitive means. Releasing these pictures doomed the further attempts of my co-stalkers to failure.

I learnt that having no discernable skill or talent need not hold me back in life.

++++++++++++++++++++

As part of my agency employment last summer, I was assigned to become a member of the customer service desk team in a busy equipment rental company. We rotated responsibility for the various activites (customer-facing and administration of paperwork) between us on a weekly basis, which meant we developed strong communicative teamwork, both with each other and with training new staff as they joined us.

The department was undergoing procedural changes at the time to bring it in line with the company's new computer system, so we would often find ourselves improvising a working system of administration between us at the morning meetings.

By taking suggestions postively, and actively encouraging each other to share our strengths, we kept the desk running even during the periods when the new system failed to deliver.

++++++++++++++++++++

Possible interview questions: how did you "actively encouraging each other to share our strengths" ?

ANS: At the team meeting, we would find out if the database was functioning. If it wasn't, we would split into quickly formed working groups lead by team members with the most experience in each area. We would then volunteer ourselves, or nominate good team members to each mini-group based on what we knew about each other from working together.

>>4
They just want you to type that last paragraph really, and fit it to a plausible-sounding scenario. Agency work is completely uncheckable, so makes for great cv lies. Of course, if you have worked in a similar customer-facing enviroment, insert this fiction using their company name.

++++++++++++++

Do they have a "multi-cultural" question?

In all of my employment to date, both customer-facing and administration, I have worked in vibrant, multi-cultural environments. Iapproach my team colleagues and our customers with the high standard of professional courtesy they both demand and deserve.

+++++++++++++++++++++

Health & Saftey

I have respected the various workplace health & saftey regulations, and have never had, caused, or witnessed an avoidable accident in any of my diverse working environments.

++++++++++++++

Do you have someone reliable to lie for you as a work reference?

>>5

maybe that should read "I have approached my team colleagues and our customers with the ..."

Yep, that's better.

So, how's the application going?

>>5 Do you have someone reliable to lie for you as a work reference?

Sounds like a task for Anonymous! I just need to practice my British accent, eh right'o gov'nuh mate, there'll be fog on tha shore tonight, Boson, cheerio pip pip crumpet.

>>8
Pip pip crumpet!