been better

hyped

Doing alright this last fortnight, probably backslide into booze and smokes in the run up to Christmas, but 'tis the season to be unhealthy tra la la la lahhhhhhhh

Tired. Tired of waisting my life. I'm almost ready to do something about it.

>>5 I'm almost ready to do something about it.

You never will, though. Tomorrow will always be the day.

>>5
You'll get there.

>> You never will, though. Tomorrow will always be the day.

That's very, very true.

>>8
Don't make me make you Rudolf, I am officially on a troll break, but I'll smack that apathy right out of you from across the internet if I have to.

Besides, isn't this the time of year your red nose comes in handy?

>>9

I'm in a very unhappy mood today. Don't worry by tomorrow I'll be fine again, hopefully.

>> Besides, isn't this the time of year your red nose comes in handy?

Hrmpf. Thanks for reminding me...I hate work. Especially driving that sleigh. He abuses us, you know?

>>10
Oh deer, how shocking! It's always the mythical characters you least expect who turn out to be animal abusers. It's all the coca-cola he drinks, it can't do his mental state any good. Try slipping him the diet stuff, see if he improves?

>>9 but I'll smack that apathy right out of you from across the internet if I have to

Can you do me? :(

>>12
Righty-ho! What's bugging you Anonymous? If you could click your fingers and change one thing about your current life right now, what would that be?

>>13
I actually wrote this a few weeks ago for a friend to submit to his shrink because he didn't want to write about himself. But really I was writing it about me.

I feel ashamed of my life. I feel ashamed when I think of all the things I'd like to do, the dreams I have, and all the things I could accomplish if I'd work at it. I could improve in so many ways. But I don't feel like I'm in control of my life and my actions. I theoretically have the freedom to do practically anything I want, but I feel like I'm trapped in a pit of repetition, wasted life, and self-destructive behavior. Every day I disappoint myself. Every day I tell myself that tomorrow will be different, but tomorrow is never different. I will wake up tomorrow and it will be just another pathetic wasted day bringing me one day closer to dying alone. I could have been anything by now, but I'm nothing -- I let my body and mind decay more and more with every passing day. I've made progress in various aspects the past -- very impressive progress for finite periods of time. I've accomplished things. But every accomplishment has been followed by a backslide that not only robbed me of everything I had gained, but set me even further back. I wonder if it's too late. I wonder if I should just give up, accept defeat, accept that I'll never feel like I'm living life properly. But maybe it's that carrot on a stick that keeps me going... maybe it's only the illusory hope that tomorrow I will change, maybe that's the only thing keeping me alive.

In summary, I FAIL IT (it is life).

Totally not answering the question.

>>14
That is very well expressed, and in as much as a total stranger can sympathize with you and have any meaning, I am truly sorry to read your predicament.

Now then, let's try and break through the hopelessness and try to find something you can actually do, physically, that may help alleviate some of it. I appreciate you may not feel inclined to humour me, but look at it another way, what do you have to lose? I'm not going to ask you to go into personal details you might feel uncomfortable about typing, we really just need to get a feel for what is "in the way" as it were.

So, let's pretend you have magical powers and can change things about yourself right now by clicking your fingers, what, specifically, would you choose to change first of all?

>>16
I'm not >>14, but I am the one for whom he wrote that paragraph. Can I play too?

>>17
Sure, why not? You now have magical powers, click your fingers, what do you change first of all?

>>18
Make Cracky come back.

>>19
Mmm... unfortunately your magic powers only pertain to changes you make about yourself, perhaps I should have been clearer.

Also, you are aware that corky was a work of fiction? She never went anywhere because she was never actually here. If you want Cracky-chan, you only have to close your eyes and imagine her. Or better yet, draw her.

>>16

I shall post under the name "14" in this thread to distinguish myself the >>17 fella who made me do his psychiatric homework.

I would change myself so that whenever I chose to do something, I would do it, to completion, tirelessly, regardless of the work involved or the difficulty or the desire to quit or delay or procrastinate -- in fact, I would not have such desires anymore. I would alter my mind so that I could spend almost all my time working to improve myself & accomplish things, and not waste any time on things with no purpose, and I would never ever ever delay or cancel doing something just because I didn't feel like it or I thought I could get away with doing it later.

>>21
A fine wish, and one that would certainly improve your life.

Let's break it down a bit, make it simpler to see: there are physical elements to this wish, there are mental elements to this wish. Of the two broad categories, which would you say you were strongest at achieving right now? Do you tire physically first, or mentally first, when you attempt to do something?

>>20

>you are aware that corky was a work of fiction?

That is an interesting theory. But I think most people were not interested in what her pictures displayed, but rather in the person behind them. (The artist, not the model)

>>23
Well duh. Most people just wanted to fuck a minor who could use a selftimer. We call you "newfags", while the truly devoted of us were attracted deeply and religiously to the icon that the lol "artist" unintentionally created.

>>23
Ahh... Olivia. Olivia has stated on several occasions that Cracky-chan lies in her past, and she has neither the desire nor the ability to resurrect her. If you tried to talk to her about Cracky, she would be less able to discuss the character than many of the posters on the facky board.

It is possible to talk to Olivia however, although this would not achieve the desire to talk to Cracky-chan.

In short, Cracky is a character of fiction in a series that has ended. We can talk to her whenever we choose, but that involves us weaving our own fantasies surrounding her, as I'm sure you've seen done on Facky and at the other place, when it was in full flight.

This is therefore something you can achieve, it requires you to stretch your imagination. Do you know what motivated Olivia to adopt the various personae of Cracky-chan?

>>18
I would like some shred of motivation to do anything productive. I have to do coursework and take pictures, but I don't even have the motivation to make myself a sandwich or take a shower. I have lots of important things to do, but I just sit here thinking "after this episode of House" and stuff. I don't know.

>>22 Do you tire physically first, or mentally first, when you attempt to do something?

The operative concept here being that I generally never get around to even making the attempt. When I do actually do things, which is rare, I tend to have good, often great success, then stop & piss it all away. I.E live frugally for a time and save up a good amount of money, then waste it. Lose 100 pounds, then gain 150. Go through a really social phase and make lots of friends, then retreat into isolation without really knowing why. Get my living place perfectly clean & orderly, then neglect it for years. Get serious about religion/spirituality, then become an atheist forever. Get the idea?

>>26
Hmm... is it a lack of energy, or perhaps a feeling that you cannot achieve the seemingly simple tasks in front of you? If someone were to lay out the materials for your coursework in front of you, and tell you that in two hours you would be finished to a degree of satisfaction, could you bring yourself to do what needs to be done?

>>27
Yes, yes I do. May I ask - and feel free to not answer this - do you have what you might consider an addictive streak, one that binges on certain activities to the exclusion of all else at the time?

>>21

>>...nd not waste any time on things with no purpose..

So you think there are things which have a purpose? Interesting theory, 14.

>>25

>If you tried to talk to her about Cracky, she would be less able to discuss the character than many of the posters on the facky board.

I have no desire to do so (anymore). I just wanted to point out that all of this was not only about a couple of pictures but also about a person.

>Do you know what motivated Olivia to adopt the various personae of Cracky-chan?

This question seems to suggest that you'd like to elaborate on something.

>>30
Experience itself is the only purpose you need to give a life meaning. What we choose to assign as purposeful beyond that is individual choice.

>>29
What happened here?

>>31
Mmm, Corky is her own free self, independent of the girl who dreamed her up. If you wanted to recreate her perfectly, you'd have to examine the motivations of the girl who created her. I'd start at dissatisfaction with eating disorders and move on from there. That Olivia wasn't as complicated as she wove Cracky doesn't cheapen the emotion that went into building her. As Lolichan has demonstrated recently, there's more to it than dress-up and yellow camera lighting, but you knew that anyway.

>>29
Something like that, but rather than being addicted to certain activities in and of themselves, I'm more addicted to not getting anything done, in the sense that if any of my "vices" are taken away, I feel no withdrawal, I just reallocate the time to some other useless pursuit, and there's always something. Worst case scenario, say the power's out, so no computer or internet or video games or television, too dark to read, and I'm fapped out... I'll just stare at the darkness and scream at myself in frustration at not taking the opportunity to do anything. Sometimes I'll call in sick to work, hoping to spend the day getting shit together, and I'll just waste it, and be not better off, just poorer. I'll pass up social opportunities or requests to visit my family because I'm always convinced I'm just a day away from starting to get it all together, and I can't let anything get in my way of my agenda. I'm always making complex schedules & todo lists, I started about 11 years ago, and I hardly ever follow them at all. I know what I want to do and I'm good at putting it all down on paper & figuring out how I can get it all done... but then I figure out I could put everything off a day just by rearranging things a bit, then I rearrange & compress the schedules more and more, creating increasingly high expectations for myself, and deadlines pass with nothing done. And I can't accept "middle ground", I have to do everything all or nothing, either obsessively to perfection or not even bother trying. I'm even averse to playing video games anymore, except for ones of limited scope, because I feel compelled to map out every little possibility, find every limit and plot wall, before moving even another inch; the idea of playing one of those open-ended nonlinear Morrowind or Fallout-type games where it's literally impossible to do everything is my worst nightmare, I'd rather die than play one of those. And life is the most open-ended nonlinear game of all.

>>33
Mvnch is pretty good with a skyline.

>>34
In some way that sounds as if Cracky is the sum of all personae Olivia wanted to be. But is this expression of her desires really completely unattached to her?

The motivation was more than obvious though, although definitly misguided. Oh wonders of the internet.

>>28
I'd say both.
And yes. I could probably complete it in the two hours, and come out with an above-satisfactory result.
I mean, it's not like I'm a complete dumbfuck (picture related).

>>35
I am scared, because what you are describing is me. I am trying to get at least some things done by concentrating on doing one task per day, regardless how small it is. At least it gives some feeling of accomplishment.

>>38
Oops. Forgot picture. maybe I am a complete dumbfuck.

>>40
Congratualtions! Your proficiency in solving logic puzzles is slightly above average.

>>35

>And I can't accept "middle ground", I have to do everything all or nothing, either obsessively to perfection or not even bother trying.

That, Anonymous, expresses your frustrations perfectly.

If I could click my fingers and change one thing about you, right now, I'd choose to change that drive to experience everything at once about an activity.

Now, this is the part where I type crass, obvious things, and you try not to get too pissed off at me, 'kay?

In my totally ignorance of your personal battle with this frustration, I would donate you a watch that gives you an electric shock every two hours. And the shock wouldn't let up until you changed the activity you were doing, especially if it was nothing at all.

In my woefully uninformed opinion, based on a handful of posts in this thread, I am going to suggest that you divide your day into the following sections:

Sleep
exercise
work
exercise
activity 1
activity 2

I appreciate that it seems like I am ignoring you, but what I am doing is something you could benefit yourself in doing, that is treating yourself as two people: the person who does things, and the person who does things perfectly.

The person who does things is now the boss. However much effort it takes, whatever internal dialogues you have to muster and negotiate, the person who does things has to take control of your time.

The good news is, this leaves the person who does things perfectly to do so freely when they are let out of the box. It's getting them to go into the box in the first place that is going to be tricky.

However... look at it this way: the person who does things perfectly is not doing things perfectly at the moment, are they? They are failing in their function.

TL;DR? You are now two people, helping each other achieve their function. One cannot exist without the other, and if they work together, they can both achieve everything that you, personally desire.

You can perfectly experience your activities, but you cannot do so without the person who does things taking charge and telling the person who does things perfectly that it is time to change activities. Perfection is not limited to today. You can experience an activity perfectly in two hour slices spread over a lifetime.

I apologise if this seems trite, or appears as if I have not been listening. In reality, I am addressing the person who does things, and ignoring the cries of the person who does things perfectly. The imbalance between the two appears to be at the heart of your frustration to this internet stranger.

>>42
now that that is done, the person who does things stays next to you, and the other person is going to walk forward. With every steps he takes he ages 1 year. He dies when he's 75.
hehe :P it was asking for it:P

>>38
Excellent! I never meant to imply anything about your intelligence with the question.

From what little information in this thread we have turned over, in my meagerly-informed opinion, preparation is the key to your success, and making time for preparation is the activity you could benefit from.

If you can picture yourself achieving more with all the materials laid out in front of you, be it coursework, or making a sandwich, then completely independent of you working on your academic stuff or actually making the sandwich, you could benefit immensely from drawing up half an hour's routine each day when you arrive home of an afternoon to actively laying out you materials, getting everything in order, then going into the kitchen and doing the same with the food stuff. Then go do something else unrelated for an hour.

When you come to the end of that hour, the tasks at hand are ready and laid out for you to actually engage them with purpose. Do not work on academic projects for more than 50 mins without a 10 min break for a sandwich in between. This gives you almost 2 full hours worth of productive work each week night. Don't work beyond that, you'll soon find that the concentration pays off in the two, split sessions, and at the end of it all, you still have plenty of time to watch House.

>>41
It was good fun taking the test, though.

>>43
Well, for some people that might actually work, however I don't think 14 needs to kill off this perfect self, more enable this person to perform their function.

The achievements that are waiting to be enjoyed are worth the initial internal negotiation.

This is, of course, assuming that 14 isn't typing an all caps response to my inadvertently crass misinterpretation...

>>37
In my opinion, I'd say corky was less of an idealized form for Olivia, and more a way of working out her frustrations, both real and adopted. The "wearing food" sets in particular, and the notable selectivity in what images she chose to post to her blogs when viewed next to
others in a set.

She wasn't casting Cracky as a bold heroine, but that's part of the long-lasting charm of it all.

>>47
You seem to have followed her even before 4chan.

>>47
You're giving off a "thesis paper" vibe again, sir. I feel you're dangerously close to employing the word "archetype", and when that happens may god help us all.

>>49
or worse: juxtaposition

I'LL JUXTAPOSE AN ARCHETYPE
WHERE I LIKE
WHEN I LIKE
ON FORUMS
IN BLOGS
AS PART OF A 3000 WORD AMAZON REVIEW

PERSECUTE ME AT YOUR PERIL!

I'd say the juxtaposing blogger is an archetype.

I may have to juxtapose this.

Feeling trapped in the general malaise of that most wretched condition suburban ennui?

Do you feel the need to sceam out you existence across the aether? To know and be known as an individual? To find depth and meaning in life, and truely validate your existence?

Well Dr. Schwill has the help you need.

Join the military.
srsly

I had every I could want, and the means to acquire anything that caught my eye. I still felt trapped. When you can have anything or do anything what does it matter?
cont.

>>54
What do you do when you can do anything? I felt sick and empty, filling my life with mindless self gratification. Alcohol, sex and the purile mental masturbation of anonymous posting where how I squandered my days.
During a particularly long bender my redheaded fucktoy d'jour talked me into proposing and convinced me to enlist.

Basic reintroduced me to a prospective I hadn't seen in a long time. Soberiety, rigourous and regular physical exercise, and most importantly power tripping souless faggots.

>>54
Something I've actually considered before. But what about those of us who are both too old & too fat?

>>55

flash forward six months

I cherish the few moments of real freedom I get a day. I had the time to think about what I realy want out of life and am working towards it. I also saw though "MUH DURLN'S" pathetic attempts to get me killed and get my precious jew golds and kicked her ass back to the trailer court that spawned her.

Life is better now. Direction, goals, and the knowledge that in 5 years 6 months and 5 days till I am master of my own destiny.

>>56
I had a 48 year old guy in basic with me and he made it. As to being out of shape. You won't be after basic. Wether you stay in shape after that is on you. Fair warning, military life sucks, but you will never be lonely, and there are a rediculous number of anons in the combat MOSs. Don't I repeat DON'T belief anything your recruiter says, and always read the fine print.