>>13
I actually wrote this a few weeks ago for a friend to submit to his shrink because he didn't want to write about himself. But really I was writing it about me.
I feel ashamed of my life. I feel ashamed when I think of all the things I'd like to do, the dreams I have, and all the things I could accomplish if I'd work at it. I could improve in so many ways. But I don't feel like I'm in control of my life and my actions. I theoretically have the freedom to do practically anything I want, but I feel like I'm trapped in a pit of repetition, wasted life, and self-destructive behavior. Every day I disappoint myself. Every day I tell myself that tomorrow will be different, but tomorrow is never different. I will wake up tomorrow and it will be just another pathetic wasted day bringing me one day closer to dying alone. I could have been anything by now, but I'm nothing -- I let my body and mind decay more and more with every passing day. I've made progress in various aspects the past -- very impressive progress for finite periods of time. I've accomplished things. But every accomplishment has been followed by a backslide that not only robbed me of everything I had gained, but set me even further back. I wonder if it's too late. I wonder if I should just give up, accept defeat, accept that I'll never feel like I'm living life properly. But maybe it's that carrot on a stick that keeps me going... maybe it's only the illusory hope that tomorrow I will change, maybe that's the only thing keeping me alive.
In summary, I FAIL IT (it is life).